I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
