The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I need a burrito and a hug.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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