the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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