the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I did not marry a roomba.
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