Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
