Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm getting married
To pizza
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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