Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
