i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
