K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
