I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize