Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
