Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
