I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
