did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
