I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
