just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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