After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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