oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
