I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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