I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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