Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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