How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
