chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
