Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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