Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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