dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
