You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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