You work out of a Hotel?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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