Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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