I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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