My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
