All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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