I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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