im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
