The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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