I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's Friday. Sex?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
