I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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