the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Last time i carry you out of a forest
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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