id be glad to
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
