just tell him i said nine months
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
