Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize