You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
