If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
