I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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