I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
