Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
