My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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