I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Randomize
