New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize