Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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