Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
