Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
