in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
