We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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