Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
