Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
