I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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