Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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