just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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