I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I love you. Go after that dick
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
