sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
