yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
These tits shall not be calmed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
