Duck Duck Cougar?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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