Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize