Your dad touched me again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
