yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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