Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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