I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
They are going to name an STD after you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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