I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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