I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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